In a country where LGBTQ people are still fighting for acceptance, can still be fired simply for who they are, and where their bodily autonomy and rights to make medical decisions remain under attack, it can be overwhelming and scary for LGBTQ couples to search for additional support. When seeking relationship counseling, especially if partners have varied LGBTQ identities, it can feel even more overwhelming to start a search for LGBTQ marriage counseling. And when couples are coming to counseling for guidance and support around how to talk with families about using correct pronouns, the last thing they want is to have to talk to their therapist about the same!
But, there absolutely are affirming LGBTQ couples therapists offering great services, and finding an affirming counselor is the first step in helping yourself and your partner to navigate challenges in your relationship and other areas of your lives. Check out our blog below to learn more about affirming LGBTQ marriage counseling and how to assess if your therapist is LGBTQ-affirming and inclusive, before you even start!
Affirming LGBTQ marriage counseling is a therapy approach that centers the unique experiences of queer, transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse couples and individuals to help them explore their relationship dynamics in a way that is culturally-informed and inclusive.
An LGBTQ-affirming couples therapist should be someone who understands both the challenges and unique celebrations that entail being a part of the LGBTQ community. Perhaps the couples therapist is themselves a member of the community, or partnered to someone who is a member of the community! Whether they are or are not LGBTQ-identified themselves, an LGBTQ-affirming couples therapist will have done their own work to be able to offer more culturally-informed services. This would include work to understand their own privilege(s) and to better understand the nuances and challenges LGBTQ-couples face. An affirming LGBTQ couples therapist will have sought training and consultation from clinicians of lived experience and done their own work to ensure they are able to provide culturally-informed, affirming therapy and interventions to queer, transgender, nonbinary, and gender-diverse couples, or members of couples.
Unique Considerations in Offering LGBTQ Marriage Counseling
There are several additional nuances that an affirming LGBTQ couples therapist should have training, understanding, and awareness in. For example, LGBT marriage counseling may include, but is not limited to:
Guidance While Exploring Personal Identity
Being well-versed in the diversity of sexual orientation, romantic orientations, and gender. An affirming LBGTQ therapist should be prepared to help clients further explore these aspects of themselves in an affirming manner. An LGBTQ couples therapist should also be trained in helping partners to better understand what shifting identities in a partner might mean for them.
Oftentimes, when I work with a couple where one partner is exploring a different gender identity, the other partner has questions about what this means for their own sexual orientation and identity. For example, in working with a queer couple where both partners were assumed female at birth, and where one member has expressed a transgender male identity and has pursued medical congruence measures, the other partner has asked, “Will this make me straight? What happens to my queer identity?”
Although this question is deserving of deeper and lengthier exploration, my general reminder to people is that sexual orientation is nuanced, multi-dimensional, exists on a spectrum, and at the end of the day is yours and yours alone. It is perfectly acceptable to be queer and be in a relationship with and love your male partner. Likewise, it is perfectly normal to be in an assumedly heterosexual-presenting relationship (for those it applies to) and still identify as queer. It is also perfectly acceptable to feel confused and unsure.
Help Navigating A Partner’s Identity
Helping partners navigate a partner’s gender identity, gender expression, or related congruence-seeking avenues. This might include aspects of social, medical, surgical, or legal congruence seeking (sometimes described as transition).
Support in Coming Out
Being able to support one member of the couple (or both) in coming out to their family members or friends, when and if they so choose. This includes discussing and exploring what they might do in the event that a family member or friend is not supportive or respectful of their, or their partner’s, sexual orientation or gender identity.
Help Setting Boundaries
Being able to assist LGBTQ couples in setting boundaries with family and friends who are not supportive nor affirming, and assisting the couple in viewing this challenge as a team against this issue; not one partner against the other, or against the other’s family.
An Affirming LGBTQ Couples Therapist Has Familiarity In Navigating Conversations
Let’s talk about sex, baby! Sex and intimacy are central themes in most relationships, and are also some of the most commonly discussed topics in couples counseling, regardless of gender or sexual identities! Still, there are some nuances that affirming LGBTQ couples therapists should be familiar with and able to discuss. Some items might include being familiar with language and terminology central to LGBTQ couples, as well as various ways that LGBTQ couples might engage in sex and intimacy.
Discussing Sex And Intimacy in An Affirming and Inclusive Way
If working with transgender, nonbinary, and gender-diverse folx, a therapist’s knowledge of sexual practices and body dysphoria may help clients feel normalized. As such, it is paramount that gender-affirming couples therapists seek training on better understanding the impact of body dysphoria on mental health and the mental experience of negotiating body dysphoria. During sex and intimacy, an added piece for some transgender, nonbinary, and gender-diverse people is learning how to mentally navigate any body dysphoria that they may experience (while keeping in mind, not all gender-diverse folx experience body dysphoria that impacts sexual functioning). A gender-affirming couples therapist might support clients by:
- Having sensitivity and awareness of language relating to body parts, and using language and terms that the clients use. Or, helping the individual and the couple in finding and naming/renaming body parts that affirm their gender identity. As an example, consider words like breast versus chest, and front hole versus vagina.
- Assisting the couple in setting physical boundaries around a partner’s physical touch or touching the body in ways that affirm gender. This might also include not touching certain parts of the body that might increase distress, discomfort, or dysphoria.
Generally speaking, effective sexual communication for gender-diverse folks helps to identify needs, language, and boundaries, which can assist in maximizing sexual satisfaction. Sexual partners can have a powerful impact on gender-diverse folks’ perceptions of themselves by providing affirmation through safety, connection, validation, and support. A gender-affirming couples therapist can help facilitate these conversations and assist the couple in navigating their varying needs and outcomes.
Finding Affirming LGBTQ Marriage Counseling in North Carolina
When you begin therapy, it’s important that you feel safe and comfortable with the person sitting across from you. As such, it is perfectly reasonable to ask a potential couples counselor about their training, background, and experience in working with queer, transgender, nonbinary, or gender-diverse individuals and couples! You can ask a potential therapist how they might approach conversations relating to sex and intimacy, difficulties with unaccepting family members, and nuances and considerations relating to family planning for LGBTQ couples! This is why we highly recommend requesting a free consult prior to scheduling in order to assess overall goodness of fit. Therapists should be able to provide you with concrete examples of their past successes as well as explain how they’ll help you achieve your goals together.
Get Started With an Affirming LGBTQ Marriage Counseling in North Carolina Today
Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting specializes in providing affirming therapy for transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse clients as well as therapy for the broader queer+ community! Our queer and trans-identified and LGBTQIA+ allied clinicians offer individual therapy, family therapy, couples therapy, relationship therapy, and group therapy services for queer+, transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse folx. Learn more about Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting here!
Start LGBTQ Couples Therapy Today!
To start receiving our gender-affirming, queer-affirming, inclusive therapy and letter-writing services, follow these steps:
- Send an email to info@beboldpsychnc.com or submit a request for a free 20-minute consultation here!
- Schedule your first appointment for online LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy
- Start getting the support you deserve in a safer space, affirming ALL parts of you!
Likewise, you might also wish to consider these directories. All of which will allow you to further narrow your search to find the best fit for LGBTQ marriage counseling for you:
- Inclusive Therapists
- Therapy Den
- Open Path (lower cost/sliding scale resources)
Other Counseling Services We Offer in North Carolina
All of our therapy services are open to all people, races, abilities, sizes, religious beliefs, and spiritual backgrounds.
Our understanding and affirming therapists offer inclusive individual therapy, couples counseling, and group therapy. With specialized care for not only the LGBTQIA+ community but also the BIPOC community and anyone who is neurodivergent. The mental health services we offer include trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, and grief counseling. In addition to therapy for chronic pain, and caregiver fatigue.
You can receive support from anywhere in North Carolina with online therapy.
