The holidays can be tough for LGBTQIA+ teens, especially when home doesn’t feel like a safe or affirming space. For many teens in Durham and across North Carolina, Virgina, and South Carolina, the pressure to appear cheerful can feel disconnected from the reality of strained relationships, misgendering, or unspoken disapproval. Likewise, LGBTQIA+ rights have been targeted consistently over the last several years, leaving many LGBTQIA+ teens feeling scared and deflated – not merry and bright.
At Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting, we support teens navigating identity, grief, and disconnection—especially during the holidays. You deserve to feel seen, respected, and empowered to create traditions that feel like yours. In this post, we’re sharing tangible ways LGBTQIA+ teens can reduce holiday stress and build new, affirming connections.
Understanding Holiday Struggles for LGBTQIA+ Teens
Many LGBTQIA+ teens face heightened emotional stress during the holiday season. You might worry about being misgendered or dead-named, having to mask your true self, or fielding invasive questions about your appearance, identity, or relationships. Holiday photos, and related outfits that family members choose for you, can also be an uncomfortable experience.
For some, the challenge isn’t just about surviving dinner conversations—it’s about the ache of not being accepted in your own home. You may dread the moment when relatives avoid eye contact after a name or pronoun correction. You might feel pressure to dress or act in a way that feels foreign to your identity just to avoid conflict. This kind of emotional labor can leave you drained, anxious, hurt, sad, angry, and disconnected.
Unaccepting family environments can make gatherings feel like something to endure, rather than enjoy. You may find yourself holding back parts of who you are, monitoring how you talk, walk, or engage with others just to stay safe. This creates a kind of emotional dissonance that many LGBTQIA+ teens describe as exhausting—and that’s a valid response to an invalidating environment.
Another layer of stress can show up for teens in relationships. If your family doesn’t know you’re dating someone, or if you’ve been asked to keep your relationship a secret, the holidays may feel particularly isolating. You may want to share meaningful time with your partner, but feel like you’re forced to choose between your own truth and your family’s comfort. Feeling like you have to hide someone important to you can deepen feelings of shame, grief, or resentment.
If you’re carrying that kind of weight this season, know that your feelings are valid. It is not too much to want safety, connection, and respect. You deserve relationships and environments where your identity and your love are not up for debate.
What “Chosen Family” Really Means and Why It Matters
A chosen family is made up of the people in your world who see and support the real you. These could be friends you’ve grown close with, a teacher who gets you, a coach who checks in after practice, or another adult you trust. Chosen family can even include mentors or support group members who understand your experiences.
What makes a chosen family special is that you decide who is in it. These are relationships where you feel safe, respected, and valued, not just tolerated. Unlike some biological relationships, chosen family relationships grow from mutual understanding, support, and acceptance.
During a time when expectations around spending time with family can feel loud and confusing, it can be a huge relief to be reminded that you get to decide what connection means to you. You get to build a circle that feels like care. That might include people who listen without judgment, respect your pronouns and name, and stand up for you if needed.
If you feel disconnected from your family of origin, know that creating intentional bonds, no matter how small at first, can help you feel seen and validated. Celebrating the holidays with chosen family is just as meaningful as following traditional family routines.
How LGBTQIA+ Teens Can Ask for Support and Set Boundaries During the Holidays
When navigating difficult family dynamics, you have the right to ask for support or advocate for yourself in whatever ways feel safe:
- Talk with trusted allies in advance: Let a friend, sibling, or affirming adult know what you’re anticipating and how they can support you during gatherings. This could be through private check-ins, redirecting conversations, or simply offering presence.
- Set boundaries where you can: You don’t owe anyone explanations about your identity or relationships. Practice setting boundaries like, “I’m not comfortable talking about that,” or “Let’s change the subject.” These simple statements can protect your emotional space.
- Plan an exit strategy: If you expect a gathering to feel harmful or draining, think ahead about ways to take breaks. This might look like going outside, texting a friend, or having a reason to leave early.
- Connect with your chosen family: Even if you can’t physically be with them, a video call or affirming text exchange with your chosen family or partner can offer a needed reset. Staying connected to those who love you for you can be grounding in difficult moments.
You are allowed to take care of yourself this season. You are allowed to prioritize safety, mental health, and your identity—even if others don’t yet understand or accept it.
Creating New Holiday Traditions That Reflect You
Small moments can be powerful. You don’t need a huge plan to make a holiday tradition feel meaningful.Start small, with things that help you feel grounded, affirmed, or just a bit more okay. Some ideas:
- Watch a movie or show that reflects your identity
- Decorate your space in a way that feels comforting or joyful
- Make food that brings you warmth—solo or with others
- Plan a group video chat with friends or send affirming messages
- Wear clothing or accessories that reflect who you are
- Create art, write, journal, or build a playlist for the season
Invite in the people who lift you up. That might mean spending the day with a friend, doing a virtual group hangout, or sending letters or messages to your chosen family. Distance doesn’t have to steal connection. Technology makes staying close easier, so consider planning a video call or sending thoughtful messages if in-person meetings are not possible.
Make space for rest, silence, or joy, whatever feels like it fits this season for you. When your identity may not be honored in some places, your traditions don’t have to look like anyone else’s. The only rule is this: they should reflect you.
Finding a sense of agency in your holiday plans may mean saying no to gatherings that feel unsafe or draining. Give yourself permission to set your own pace and focus on what feels supportive to your health and identity. If certain foods, sounds, or decorations make you feel good, include them in your personal rituals.
Your traditions can grow and change from year to year. You can invite new people, try different activities, or revisit old comforts. The most important part is that your choices honor who you are and bring a sense of belonging, however you define it.
Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Teens in North Carolina
If you’re an LGBTQIA+ teen struggling this season, you don’t have to carry it alone. Working with a therapist who truly affirms your identity can help you process family dynamics, reduce stress, and feel more grounded in who you are. You deserve support that doesn’t ask you to explain or shrink yourself.
At Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting, we offer trauma-informed, LGBTQIA+ celebratory therapy for teens across North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and PSYPACT states, and in-person therapy for teens in Durham, North Carolina.. We know the emotional toll that comes with not being accepted, or with having to hide who you are. That’s why our team includes both LGBTQIA-identified and deeply allied clinicians who are trained to show up with care, skill, and respect.
We provide virtual therapy statewide, as well as in-person sessions at our Durham office. After-school and evening appointments are available to make it easier to access the support you need, when you need it.
We’re also now registering for our virtual LGBTQIA+ Teen Group—a welcoming space for teens to connect with others who get it, practice self-advocacy, and feel seen. This group is open to teens across North Carolina and facilitated by clinicians with lived and clinical experience in LGBTQIA+ mental health.
If you’re facing school, peer, or family challenges, our team also provides affirming psychological evaluations that are comprehensive, neurodiversity-affirming, and never pathologize your identity. Learn more here and here.
You deserve therapy that honors your identity, reflects your needs, and meets you with compassion—not judgment.
Ready to get started with an LGBTQIA+ celebratory therapist? Schedule your free 20-minute consult today and find the support you’ve been looking for.
https://beboldpsychnc.com/appointment-request/
When the holidays feel especially heavy and you want support that honors your full identity, we’re here to meet you where you are. We offer virtual therapy across North Carolina, South Carolina, and Virginia, as well as in-office sessions in Durham, NC, that fit your after-school or evening schedule. Our therapists provide affirming care for teens navigating anxiety, identity, grief, or family challenges, and we prioritize trust, respect, and celebrating who you are. If you have been searching for supportive, trauma-informed care from experienced LGBT psychologists, we’d love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consult with Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting today to get started.
