The holidays are meant to be a time of warmth and connection, but let’s be honest. For many of us, they can also bring stress, tangled family dynamics, and the pressure to keep everyone else comfortable. From changes in schedules to managing grief, anxiety, or parenting plans, it’s a lot to carry.
As therapists in North Carolina, we see how often these stressors build up before anyone has a chance to prepare. Setting boundaries and communicating your needs might feel uncomfortable at first, but they’re two of the most helpful ways to protect your peace and still stay connected to others. Whether you’re a teen, a parent, or someone just trying to hold it together this winter, we hope these tips for boundary setting and communication this holiday season give you practical support for the season ahead.
Putting Yourself First: Understanding What You Need This Season
So many of us get caught up in how we’re supposed to “show up” for the season that we forget to ask what actually feels supportive and meaningful to us. It’s okay to need space. It’s okay to skip a gathering or say no to traditions that leave you exhausted.
Take time, before the calendar fills up, to ask yourself:
What do I actually want to say yes to this year?
What are the things that drain my energy or leave me feeling resentful?
Are there any parts of this season I’m dreading, and if so, how can I soften their impact?
If you’re a teen or the parent of one, it helps to make space for open conversations about expectations. Teens especially benefit from knowing that their voices matter. Even if schedules are limited, quick family check-ins can help everyone feel heard, respected, and supported.
Being Clear and Kind: Communicating Boundaries Without Guilt
Saying what you need can be one of the kindest things you do for yourself and the people around you. Boundaries aren’t about rejecting others. They’re about making room for honesty and reducing resentment later on.
One tool often recommended by therapists is the use of “I” statements. These help shift the focus from blame to sharing how something makes us feel. For example, saying “I need a quiet afternoon after big family meals” feels softer and more honest than “You tire me out.”
Try holding onto these reminders:
- You don’t owe everyone an explanation. A simple “I’m not available that day” is enough.
- Boundaries are about protecting your well-being, not controlling others.
- You’re allowed to say no, change your mind, or prioritize rest over tradition.
Having a few pre-thought-out responses ready can help lessen the stress of in-the-moment boundary setting, especially around difficult family conversations.
Staying Grounded Through Family Triggers and Holiday Stress
For many people, family gatherings stir up old feelings. Sometimes those feelings show up in our bodies before we can even name them. A faster heartbeat, clenched shoulders, or stomachaches may all be signs that your nervous system is activated.
Grounding doesn’t have to be complicated. Small rituals like stepping outside for a few minutes, taking deep breaths before dinner, or carrying something comforting in your pocket can help bring you back into your body.
If you’re grieving, you may feel like you’re moving through a different kind of holiday than everyone around you. That’s okay. Grief has no rules, and the holidays can bring up memories or milestones that feel heavy.
For teens and adolescents, holiday stress can feel overwhelming. We offer in-person therapy near Chapel Hill, NC, and online sessions for clients throughout North Carolina, Virginia, and South Carolina, including after school and evening times that make it easier to find support without disrupting routines.
Supporting Neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ Teens with Affirming Care
The holidays can be especially difficult for Autistic teens and those with an ADHD neurotype. Sensory overload, last-minute changes, and the pressure to socialize can all add up quickly to a perfect storm of burnout and overwhelm. For LGBTQIA+ teens, the season may bring contact with extended family members who feel unsafe or invalidating. If your child is in agreement and if it would be helpful, have a conversation with family members beforehand, reminding them of your child’s pronoun and name, if these are different from what the family member may have previously used. If your child is misgendered, or called the wrong name, during a family gathering, gently correct the family member – each and every time. If it continues to happen, pull the family member aside and have a lengthier conversation and/or ask your child if they would like to leave.
Creating moments of autonomy and connection can help offset some of the stress. Let your teen know they have options. Maybe they skip certain parts of gatherings or choose who they engage with more closely. Give them a clear out if they need it.
Affirming care starts with validation. Remind your teen that their boundaries matter. Connection isn’t about sacrificing who they are. It’s about showing up in spaces where they’re respected and seen, and sometimes, those spaces are found outside the family circle.
We celebrate neurodiversity and offer LGBTQIA+ celebratory therapy designed to provide a safe and supportive environment for every client.
When the Holidays are Complicated by Divorce, Custody, or Court-Ordered Changes
Divided holidays are tough on everyone, but especially on kids who are being shuttled between homes. If there are changes in parenting time or new custody arrangements in place, early communication can help your child feel more prepared.
Simple things like visual calendars or setting clear expectations in advance can take some anxiety out of the unknown. It’s okay to acknowledge that this year looks different than before. Kids often do better when those shifts aren’t a surprise. You can also ask your child what they need or what they’d like to make this holiday season feel special for them, despite changes in traditions.
When legal stress is involved, like court-ordered mental health evaluations or questions that come up around custody, the emotional load can start to feel heavy. These issues don’t pause for the holidays, but therapy can help everyone feel a little more supported while they move through them.
Protecting Your Peace: Boundaries and Support Go Hand in Hand
It takes real courage to set boundaries, especially during a time that’s supposed to be all about joy and togetherness. But peace and connection don’t have to cancel each other out. Both are possible when we give ourselves permission to say what we need.
We don’t have to wait until we’re overwhelmed to ask for space. We don’t have to explain away why certain relationships feel hard this time of year. And we don’t have to do it all without support.
Whether you’re a teen, a parent, or someone just trying to make it through December with your energy protected, we hope you remember this. Your needs matter. Your boundaries are valid. And you’re allowed to take care of yourself even while caring for the people you love.
When the holidays feel extra heavy, you’re not alone and you don’t have to go through it all by yourself. Whether you’re setting boundaries, supporting a teen through big emotions, or simply need a space to breathe, Be Bold Psychology and Consulting offers affirming, trauma-informed care with flexible scheduling, including evenings and weekends. We provide virtual therapy across North Carolina, South Carolina, and Virginia, and offer in-office sessions in Durham, NC.
If you’re seeking compassionate, neurodivergent-affirming, and LGBTQIA+ celebratory support, we’re here to help. Start the conversation with one of our therapists in Durham and online in North Carolina by scheduling a free 20-minute consult today.
