
How to tune into your values to solve tough problems, make smarter decisions, and connect with a more authentic version of yourself.
By: Claire Sanguedolce, MSW, LCSWA, E-RYT (she/her)
“Why am I not satisfied with my work?”
“Do I want to have children?”
“What should I do with my life?”
“Am I with the right person?”
“Where should I go to college?”
Problems like these are ubiquitous and unavoidable. They are what make us conscious human beings. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make them any easier to solve. As a mental health professional in North Carolina, I know this to be true, as these kinds of issues, life transition considerations, and anxieties take up a considerable amount of space in sessions. What’s more, the methods we use when battling with tough decisions or situations can occasionally end up causing ourselves more harm.
So, the important question becomes: What is the most effective way to approach big problems like these without sacrificing your mental wellbeing?
Enter: Values.
If used properly, values can be enormously helpful in guiding people in the right direction. They can help to reduce the additional suffering people tend to (unintentionally) inflict upon themselves when they ruminate and angst over problems. They can empower individuals to move forward more smoothly, with clarity and confidence, despite somewhat murky circumstances.
As a therapist in North Carolina who really enjoys exploring and utilizing values work within the therapy session, I wanted to share a few thoughts about values exercises in therapy. Below are a few basic values exercises, informed by ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Keep in mind that these steps can be practiced solo, but they may be more effective if practiced with somebody else (preferably with a mental health professional like a therapist):
Step 1: Explore and identify your values
As a therapist in North Carolina, when helping a client with values work, my first step is to ask guiding questions, such as “Let’s pretend that you’re at the end of your days and are looking back on life. How would you have wanted to live? What would you have wanted to stand for when things got hard?” These questions are designed to encourage you to imagine certain scenarios that are more likely to reveal who and what you truly care about. They enable you to narrow your focus and discover your own values by clearing away distractions such as parents’ wishes, friends’ or partners’ values, or societal expectations. These intrusions are often disguised as values when really, they’re likely projections from external factors or people. This exercise also aids in distinguishing true values, which act as from goals or desires.
Another popular strategy I enjoy using with my therapy clients is breaking down daily routines. Right down to flossing your teeth in the morning (or not). Every behavior we engage in serves some sort of purpose or function–we are getting something out of it. So, it can be helpful to ask ourselves throughout the day, “Why do I do that?”
An example might look like this:
“I go to work.”
“Why do you go to work?”
“Because I need money.”
“Why do you need money?”
“To pay the bills.”
“Why does that matter to you?”
“Financial responsibility?”
“What does financial responsibility bring you?”
“Independence.” *ding ding ding!*
Step 2: Organize your values
Once you’ve developed a list of values from the guiding questions and the analysis of your day-to-day actions, organize your list from the most important value to the least important value. As you do this, shift your perspective so that you’re looking at the list from the “end of your days” point of view. Once you’ve formed a new list, rearrange your values again, this time according to the life you live right now. You can frame this exercise by considering which values you spend the most time and energy on right now. If it’s helpful, refer to your day-to-day actions.
By now, you should have two lists — one that lists your values from most to least important and one that lists your values from most currently engaged to least. From here, you’ll write one final list; this one will be arranged according to how you wish to prioritize your values based on your present stage of life. For example, perhaps you value parenthood, but right now is not a good time for you to embark on the journey of raising a child. You can slide that value to a lower rank on your list for now, until you’re ready to re-engage with it in the future.
Step 3: Assign a values-based behavior for each value
After a few therapy sessions, focusing on values, I might then suggest the following to my therapy clients: Review your final list — the one that ranks your values by how you aim to live your life. For each value, write down a behavior or action that you can immediately implement, bringing you closer to your value. This exercise is best performed with flashcards, so you can physically flip each value over and write realistic behaviors that will contribute to progress toward the value.
One of the key learnings from ACT is that there’s a difference between goals and values. Even if you’re in a really unpleasant situation, you can make things better for yourself if your behavior reflects what’s important to you (i.e., your values). Moreover, you can continue to use your values as a compass, always there as a guide toward what matters most to you, rather than a goal you eventually check off of your to-do list.
So, if you value independence, what is something you can do now to better align yourself with that value? You could, for example, cook dinner instead of ordering takeout, saving money and learning a useful, new skill.
Step 4: Let your values guide you when solving a problem
It’s a well-known fact that problems are myriad and inevitable. But here’s the thing: When faced with problems, people often cause themselves undue, additional suffering. And this is something that is entirely preventable (through — you guessed it — mindfully incorporating our values!). Here’s how:
- Begin by writing down your problem.
- Next, identify all available options. List anything you can do about this problem, ignoring whether the option is “good” or “bad.”
- List pros and cons for each option based on reason and on the list of values you want to live by (list #3).
- Choose the option that is most reasonable and most closely aligned with your values.
- Values are defined as a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Your principles serve as the foundation for a system of mindsets and behaviors that you can engage right now. In other words, your values are ways of being. When you practice values-based thinking and behavior, it spills into all areas of your life. You’re more present, focused, and able to enjoy the whole journey of life, rather than chasing a goal or destination.
Want to put some of this values work into action with a therapist in North Carolina? I’d love to help! I enjoy assisting clients in clarifying, examining, and organizing values in a way that allows them to feel confident in tackling tough situations. Reach out now and schedule your free 20-minute consult with me (Claire Sanguedolce), so we can learn more about each other and if I could be a good fit for your needs!
Claire Sanguedolce, MSW, LCSWA, E-RYT (she/her) is a therapist offering telehealth therapy sessions in North Carolina, dedicated yoga teacher, and life-long mental health advocate. When she’s not working, Claire enjoys swimming in the Eno River, snuggling with her pup, cooking delicious meals (mostly pizza and nachos!) with friends and family, traveling, and watching scary movies and anime.
Credentials: After earning her bachelor’s degree from the University of Oregon, Claire earned her Master of Social Work degree from North Carolina State University. She holds an Addiction and Recovery Certification, Teaching and Communication Certification, and is a HRSA B-WISE Scholar. She is currently a Licensed Clinical Social Work Associate at Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting. Claire also received a Post-Baccalaureate Certificate in Counseling and Psychology Professions at the University of California, Berkeley. She obtained her 200-hour yoga teacher certification from Just Be Yoga in Walnut Creek, California. Claire draws from various evidence-based, trauma-informed, strengths-based, and social justice-oriented approaches in her work with clients and is excited to meet you!
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