
Relationships are hard. They require intention, work, and patience. A lot of patience.
And we all may find ourselves struggling in our relationship from time to time. The good news is, there are many options available to you! Perhaps you wish to stick it out and continue to work through it together. Maybe you decide it’s better to part ways. Or maybe you are considering seeking support from a couples’ therapist in North Carolina.
Couples therapy is common in America – in fact, 49% of married American couples will find themselves in counseling at some point in their relationship. Of those 49%, almost three quarters – 70% – report positive outcomes from couple’s counseling.
But what happens when couple’s counseling isn’t an option for you and your partner at this time, but you’re having relationship concerns? Maybe it is because your partner does not want to attend, maybe you can’t find the right provider for you both, maybe your schedules do not align, or maybe it is outside your budget.
Whatever the reason, another alternative to consider when you are having relationship challenges would be to pursue individual therapy. Even if your primary concern is relationship stressors, individual therapy can be key in supporting you through some of these concerns.
Five Potential Barriers to Engaging In Couple’s Therapy
One partner doesn’t want to attend counseling.
Resistance or denial from one or more partners can be a major obstacle to attending couple’s therapy. If one partner is reluctant or outright opposed to the idea of therapy, it can create tension and conflict within the relationship. This resistance may stem from a variety of factors, including fear of confronting difficult emotions or reluctance to acknowledge the need for outside support from a licensed couple’s therapist in North Carolina. Additionally, some individuals may deny that there are problems in the relationship or downplay their severity, making it difficult to convince them of the benefits of couples therapy or relationship counseling. Overcoming this barrier often requires open communication, empathy, and patience from both partners.
Logistical challenges, like managing childcare, work, and scheduling.
Logistical challenges, such as conflicting schedules or difficulties finding childcare, can also prevent individuals from attending couples therapy. Balancing work, family responsibilities, and other commitments can make it challenging to find a time that works for both partners to attend sessions together. Additionally, if transportation is an issue or if the counseling center is located far away, it can add another layer of complexity to the logistical challenges of attending sessions regularly. These practical obstacles can deter couples from seeking the help they need, even if they recognize the importance of counseling for their relationship.
Community stigma, or preconceived beliefs about couple’s therapy.
Another reason individuals may avoid couples therapy and relationship counseling is the stigma or shame associated with seeking help for relationship issues. Some people may fear judgment from others or worry about what it says about their relationship if they need outside assistance to work through challenges. This fear of being perceived as weak or flawed can prevent individuals from reaching out for support, even if they are struggling with significant relationship challenges. Overcoming the stigma surrounding couples therapy often requires a shift in societal attitudes and a greater emphasis on normalizing seeking help for mental health and relationship issues.
Fear that someone will get “teamed up on” by the other participants.
In some cases, one or more partners may be hesitant to attend couples therapy due to concerns about trust or safety within the therapeutic environment. If there has been a history of abuse, manipulation, or breaches of confidentiality in the relationship, the idea of sharing intimate details with a couple’s therapist may feel threatening or unsafe. Similarly, if one partner fears that the couple’s therapist will take sides or betray their confidence, they may be reluctant to participate in couples therapy. Building trust and addressing safety concerns are essential prerequisites for successful couples therapy, but overcoming these barriers may require additional support and reassurance from the counselor.
Lack of couple’s therapists in the area or insurance network.
Even if all partners are excited about couple’s therapy, it’s of little use if there are no available couple’s therapists! It’s important to note that not all therapists provide couple’s therapy. Couple’s therapy requires specific training and experience, and many couples therapists seek out additional certifications as well. This means even if there’s several mental health centers near you, if nobody is trained to provide couple’s therapy, then individual counseling is the only option. Additionally, the same problem arises if all the couple’s therapists in your area have a fee that is unsustainable for you and your partner(s).
Five Potential Benefits of Individual Counseling for Relationship Stressors
Individuals can build self-awareness, leading to increased confidence in their relationship values.
Individual counseling can greatly benefit relationships by fostering self-awareness in each partner, ultimately leading to increased confidence in their relationship values. Through individual therapy, individuals have the opportunity to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a safe and supportive environment. By delving into their own personal history, beliefs, and patterns of interaction, individuals can gain valuable insights into themselves and their dynamics within their relationships. As individuals become more confident in their own values and priorities, they are better equipped to express themselves authentically within the relationship and make decisions that align with their true selves. Ultimately, this increased self-awareness can foster greater intimacy, trust, and mutual respect between partners, leading to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship overall.
Individuals can identify their attachment style, offering insight to their own patterns in their relationship.
Individual counseling can offer a valuable opportunity for individuals to identify and explore their attachment style, which can shed light on recurring patterns within their relationships. Attachment theory suggests that early experiences with caregivers shape an individual’s attachment style, influencing how they relate to others in adult relationships. Through introspection and guided reflection in counseling sessions, individuals can gain insight into their attachment style, whether it be secure, anxious, avoidant, or a combination thereof. By understanding their attachment style, individuals can recognize how it manifests in their interactions with their partner, including patterns of communication, emotional responsiveness, and coping mechanisms during times of conflict or distress. This awareness not only helps individuals comprehend their own reactions and behaviors within the relationship but also provides a framework for understanding their partner’s responses.
Individuals can improve upon their own communication skills, potentially offering benefit within their relationship
Individual counseling offers individuals a platform to enhance their communication skills, which can significantly benefit their relationships. Through therapy, individuals can learn effective communication techniques, such as active listening, assertiveness, and conflict resolution strategies. By practicing these skills in a safe and supportive environment, individuals can become more adept at expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs with clarity and empathy. Improved communication skills not only facilitate better understanding and connection within the therapeutic setting but also have far-reaching implications for relationships outside of therapy. As individuals apply these newfound skills to their interactions with their partner, they can foster open dialogue, mutual respect, and emotional intimacy.
Individuals may be able to recognize and respond to their triggers better, which can lead to decreased conflict in relationships.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” No really, I mean it!
Individual counseling provides individuals with the opportunity to identify and understand their triggers more effectively, which can lead to decreased conflict in relationships. Triggers are emotional responses rooted in past experiences that can lead to heightened reactivity in the present. Through therapy, individuals can explore their triggers in a supportive and non-judgmental environment, gaining insight into the underlying emotions and beliefs driving their reactions. By developing greater self-awareness around one’s own triggers, individuals can learn to recognize them as they arise in interpersonal interactions, including within their relationship. Armed with this awareness, individuals can implement healthy coping strategies and communication techniques to respond to triggers more constructively, rather than reacting impulsively or defensively.
Individuals can process underlying trauma, which may contribute to triggers + patterns in relationships.
Individual counseling offers individuals a dedicated space to process underlying trauma, which can play a significant role in triggering patterns within relationships. Trauma, whether it stems from childhood experiences, past relationships, or other sources, can have a profound impact on an individual’s emotional well-being and relational dynamics. Through trauma-focused therapy, individuals can explore and further process through their traumatic experiences, gaining insight into how these experiences have shaped their beliefs, behaviors, and patterns of relating to themselves, others, and the world. By addressing unresolved trauma, individuals can begin to heal emotional wounds and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Moreover, individual therapy provides individuals with the opportunity to identify how their trauma-related triggers manifest in their current relationships, contributing to patterns of conflict or dysfunction. With the support of a trauma-informed therapist in North Carolina, individuals can learn to recognize when they are feeling triggered, and develop strategies to manage their reactions more effectively.
Resources for Those Looking to Work on Relationships
There are a variety of resources available to those looking to improve their relationship(s). Check out some of our favorites below:
Books:
- Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix: This book introduces Imago Relationship Therapy, a method for healing and strengthening romantic partnerships by uncovering childhood wounds and learning to meet each other’s needs with empathy and understanding.
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller: “Attached” delves into attachment theory and how different attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant) influence romantic relationships, offering insights and practical advice for building healthier connections.
- Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel: Esther Perel explores the complexities of maintaining desire and intimacy in long-term relationships, offering thought-provoking perspectives on how to reconcile the paradox between love and eroticism.
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson: Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), presents seven transformative conversations that guide couples toward deeper emotional connection and security in their relationships.
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman and Nan Silver: Drawing on decades of research, Dr. John Gottman presents seven principles for fostering a successful and fulfilling marriage, offering practical exercises and insights to strengthen the bond between partners.
Podcasts:
- Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: In each episode, couples therapy expert Esther Perel provides listeners with a rare glimpse into real-life couples’ therapy sessions, offering profound insights into the complexities of relationships and intimacy.
- Love Is Like a Plant: Hosted by relationship coach Sarah May B., this podcast explores various aspects of romantic relationships, featuring candid conversations, expert interviews, and practical advice to help listeners navigate the ups and downs of love.
- The Couples Therapist Couch: Psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Shane Birkel interviews leading experts in the field of couples therapy, discussing a wide range of topics related to relationships, communication, and personal growth.
- Relationship Alive!: Relationship coach Neil Sattin hosts insightful conversations with experts and thought leaders in the realm of relationships, covering topics such as communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution to help listeners cultivate thriving partnerships.
- Dear Sugars: Co-hosted by Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond, this podcast offers empathetic and thoughtful advice to listeners’ relationship dilemmas, drawing on personal anecdotes, expert insights, and literary references to provide wisdom and support.
Directories:
- Psychology Today: Psychology Today’s therapist directory allows users to search for marriage counselors based on location, specialization, and various other criteria. Many therapists listed on Psychology Today indicate their expertise in working with LGBTQ+ and kink-affirming clients.
- GoodTherapy: GoodTherapy’s directory includes marriage counselors who specialize in working with diverse populations, including LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, as well as those in kink and non-traditional relationships. Users can search for therapists based on their specific preferences and needs.
- TherapyDen: TherapyDen is a therapist directory that emphasizes inclusivity and diversity. Users can search for marriage counselors who specialize in working with LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, as well as those who are knowledgeable about kink and non-monogamous relationships.
- Kink-Aware Professionals Directory (KAP): The Kink-Aware Professionals Directory is a resource specifically for individuals seeking therapists who are knowledgeable and affirming of kink, BDSM, and alternative sexualities. While not exclusively focused on marriage counseling, many therapists listed in the directory offer couples therapy and are sensitive to the unique dynamics of kink relationships.
- National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) Kink-Aware Professionals Directory: Similar to KAP, the NCSF directory helps individuals find therapists who are knowledgeable about and affirming of kink and non-traditional relationship structures. Users can search for therapists who offer marriage counseling or couples therapy and are supportive of diverse sexualities and relationship dynamics.
Affirming Individual and Couple’s Counseling in North Carolina
Be BOLD Psychology and Consulting specializes in providing affirming therapy to adults Online in North Carolina. Our identity-affirming clinicians offer:
- individual therapy
- family therapy
- couples therapy
- relationship therapy
- group therapy
Start Online Therapy Specializing in Relationship Stressors and Adult Mental Health Today
Are you wanting culturally affirming, inclusive therapy services with a trained therapist in North Carolina? If the answer is yes then follow these steps:
- Send an email to info@beboldpsychnc.com or submit a request for a free 20-minute consultation here!
- Schedule your first appointment for online BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy
- Start getting the support you deserve in a safer space, affirming ALL parts of you!
Other Online Therapy Services Available Throughout North Carolina
Our mental health services are open to all people, races, abilities, sizes, neurotypes, religious beliefs, and spiritual backgrounds.
Our affirming and experienced therapists offer inclusive individual therapy, couples therapy, and group therapy. These services are inclusive of LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent, and LGBTQ+ mental health. Our online therapy services include trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, and grief counseling. In addition to therapy for chronic pain, and caregiver fatigue.
You can receive support from anywhere in North Carolina with online therapy.