VALENTINE’S DAY. I mean who doesn’t love overpriced chocolate wrapped in red, white, and pink (Ghirardelli dark chocolate with raspberry filling…*swooning* am I right?). The overpriced chocolate, the cards for $7.99, and prix-fixe menus at all the restaurants really know how to stir up the warm and fuzzies.
Just kidding. Well sort of. Regardless of what side of the sometimes-divisive Valentine’s Day line you fall, I do want to take this time to share about a really important concept in keeping relationships strong:
Gratitude
For me, I view Valentine’s Day as being exactly that: A day to be intentional about expressing your gratitude, care, and appreciation for important people in your life, including a partner. In the overwhelm and chaos that might constitute daily life – working that 9-5 grind, taxiing the kids around, paying bills, scooping the kitty litter, seeing your own parents, cooking that Whole-30 meal that your tween hates – it can become really easy to forget to offer a “thank you” or “I appreciate you,” especially to our partners. But it could not be more important, both for your own emotional well-being as well as the health of your relationships.
This blog discusses the importance of daily gratitude practice, both for your own mood, self-esteem, and well-being but also for that of your relationship!
Daily Gratitude Practice is Related to Positive Health Outcomes
Research has shown that practicing gratitude is related to higher levels of optimism, better physical health, positive mood, better sleep, and feeling more connected to others. Gratitude has also been found to be related to reduced materialism and overall satisfaction with life. When it comes to relationships, though, expressing gratitude can be especially influential.
Daily Gratitude Practice is Related to Improved Marital Satisfaction and Adjustment
Some research, for example, has also found that gratitude can be a key ingredient in successful relationships, especially as partners transition into married life. One study examined a sample of 1,010 newlyweds, with results revealing that 8-14% of newlyweds already scored in the distressed range on measures of marital satisfaction and adjustment, respectively.
The most problematic factors? Balancing employment, marriage, and debt brought into marriage.
The solution? Protective factors in the marriage, including respect, appreciation, commitment, mutual affection, and trust, as they were the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction and adjustment.
Other research examined the relationship between gratitude and communal strength (i.e., how responsible you feel for the other person’s well-being). When there is high communal strength in a relationship, one person is willing to sacrifice more in order to benefit their partner.
But how do we increase communal strength? Well, through gratitude. This study asked individuals how often the expressed gratitude toward their romantic partner, then sent a follow-up survey to ask everyone about the communal strength the person felt about their relationship. Results indicated the more people said they expressed gratitude in their relationships, the stronger they said their relationships were six weeks later.
So, ultimately your parents were right when they told you to “Say please and thank you!” Expressing gratitude benefits you, and others!
How to Increase Gratitude in Your Relationships
- 1. Say thank you. Say it often. Say it loud. Say it proud.
- Research indicates saying thank you and/or expressing gratitude out loud, but not simply thinking about it, led to stronger bonds and overall higher reports of personal and relational well-being.
- 2. Say thank you, even for something you expect
- In the grind of daily life, do you delegate responsibilities? Your partner takes out the trash, you vacuum? They load the dishwasher, you unload it? We all have a system that works for us, but just because it is a system, or an agreement, doesn’t mean it does not deserve acknowledgement. Thank your partner for the little, expected, things that they do. You will feel more appreciation for them, but you’ll also subconsciously encourage them to do it more often because they feel appreciated for doing it. Hey, whatever it takes for me to not have to fold laundry, I am willing to try!
- 3. Go the extra mile to express gratitude.
- Do something you normally would not do: Write an email, a kind note, plan a special date night, tell your partner how much you appreciate something specific that they do (sticky note to the bathroom mirror, perhaps?)
- 4. Get your partner on board for a “grounding with gratitude” exercise each night
- As you are winding down for bed, make it a point for you and your partner to each share one thing you are grateful for from that day. It does not have to be life-changing or mind-altering, it can be as simple as “I am really grateful for those cheesy mashed potatoes you made for dinner, they really are my favorite” or “I appreciate you doing the dishes, and especially for scrubbing that cheesy mashed potato pot so I did not have to.”
- 5. Compliment each other
- Compliments can become less and less commonplace as a relationship continues. We know that our partner knows what we are thinking, right?! We’ve told them a million and one times how funny we think they are, that they have the most gorgeous eyes, and that they’re a good cook. My response to that line of reasoning is… and? I don’t know about you, but I never get tired of hearing that my partner is proud of me, or that my hair looks nice. To be honest, most people appreciate a compliment, even if they’ve heard it before. So, compliment your partner on all the things, big (a supportive partner, being a good parent) and small (a funny joke, a nice shirt, socks that match), because those can be the first things that get left behind in the day-to-day of building a life with someone.
Need Additional Relationship Support From an Online Therapist In North Carolina?
Need some help with bringing the gratitude back into your relationship? Let’s join forces! Be Bold Psychology and Consulting is here for you. Our relationship, marriage, and couples therapists in North Carolina would love to speak about how we may be able to help!
Get started by following these steps:
- Contact us today at info@beboldpsychnc.com or self-schedule your free consult here
- Start meeting with a supportive online couples and relationship therapist in North Carolina
- Reconnect, rebuild, and strengthen your relationship!
